that's right people...I went to the gym.
oh, and I did not hate it.
yay for mini victories.
nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
I've heard people say that time and time again. I never truly "got it" though. I think I am finally getting it.
I had kind of an "aha" moment over the weeked. There is no food in the world that is worth being fat. Plain and simple. It's not worth the countless hours it takes for me to find a dress for an event (that would only take a skinny girl an hour.) It's not worth the self doubt & feeling gigantic in every situation. It's not worth looking at yourself in photos are realizing you are way bigger than you thought. It's just not.
Today, I've been eating rather normally. Not normal for me...but for the average, healthy weight person. Am I hungry? A little. Am I on a diet? No. (Remember diet is out....it's about making permanent changes.) Is my body telling me to feed it? YES & I am telling it to shut the f up. (Sorry for the "f"...just be glad I did not type it out...but this is tough love people!) I am not going to allow that little hungry voice control me anymore.
Oh, and I am contemplating working out today. Crazy, I know. I'll let you know if it happens.
Lesson of the day: My grande (non fat) white mocha (that I had this morning) has 400 calories. Bonus yuck - - I usually order a venti. Oh, my so-not-worth it. I need to find something else to love at starbucks.
I had kind of an "aha" moment over the weeked. There is no food in the world that is worth being fat. Plain and simple. It's not worth the countless hours it takes for me to find a dress for an event (that would only take a skinny girl an hour.) It's not worth the self doubt & feeling gigantic in every situation. It's not worth looking at yourself in photos are realizing you are way bigger than you thought. It's just not.
Today, I've been eating rather normally. Not normal for me...but for the average, healthy weight person. Am I hungry? A little. Am I on a diet? No. (Remember diet is out....it's about making permanent changes.) Is my body telling me to feed it? YES & I am telling it to shut the f up. (Sorry for the "f"...just be glad I did not type it out...but this is tough love people!) I am not going to allow that little hungry voice control me anymore.
Oh, and I am contemplating working out today. Crazy, I know. I'll let you know if it happens.
Lesson of the day: My grande (non fat) white mocha (that I had this morning) has 400 calories. Bonus yuck - - I usually order a venti. Oh, my so-not-worth it. I need to find something else to love at starbucks.
sweet tooth
dear diary,
I have a wicked sweet tooth. I have gotten into this habit where I feel like I have to have something sweet after dinner. It usually consists of ice cream this, chocolate that, cake...you catch my drift.
I recently came across the skinny cow caramel ice cream cones...they're heavenly. usually with the light/low fat ice cream treats I don't feel very satisfied...but these, I love.
I've also made the switch to dark chocolate when I feel like a need a little something. I know it's not going to make some earth shattering difference, but it's a bit better, I suppose.
I think I need to start limiting my sweets intake a bit. maybe enjoy them a couple times a week versus every day. baby steps...
xo,
me
diet is a four letter word
hello again diary,
ah, diet. that four letter word instantly makes me feel deprived. it might as well be called "the can't have" because that is what it means in my vocabulary. that is the main reason why I mentioned that I am not sure how I am going to go about losing weight. I don't want to go on a diet...I simply want to learn to eat normally. normal does not mean can't.
ok, back to the diets. I have tried weight watchers (countless times), jenny craig (twice), low carb, low fat, etc. I like ww. I know it works. I just can not count points. I despise it. the whole thought of counting points drives me bonkers. so, that's out.
jenny craig. it was amazing for about 3 months. and then I got tired of their food. I also did not understand how you would maintain your weight once you were to goal. the only option would be to continue eating their food. unfortunately, I got tired of their food about month 4. no bueno.
so back to eating normal. I am gonna try that for once. pay attention to portion sizes, moderation, etc. It seems so simple, and it is for so many, but for me it's going to take effort.
I also have to get moving.
here's my take on exercising...I hate it, of course. I did have a few months where I was really great about it. I don't think I ever looked forward to it, but I loved the way I felt after. I miss that. I want to feel that again.
this is going to be a slow process. I am in the information gathering stage right now; figuring out what is best for me. who knows where all this will take me, but I'm happy to have you all along with me for the ride.
xo,
me
p.s. I have cake in my fridge calling my name. dang.
ah, diet. that four letter word instantly makes me feel deprived. it might as well be called "the can't have" because that is what it means in my vocabulary. that is the main reason why I mentioned that I am not sure how I am going to go about losing weight. I don't want to go on a diet...I simply want to learn to eat normally. normal does not mean can't.
ok, back to the diets. I have tried weight watchers (countless times), jenny craig (twice), low carb, low fat, etc. I like ww. I know it works. I just can not count points. I despise it. the whole thought of counting points drives me bonkers. so, that's out.
jenny craig. it was amazing for about 3 months. and then I got tired of their food. I also did not understand how you would maintain your weight once you were to goal. the only option would be to continue eating their food. unfortunately, I got tired of their food about month 4. no bueno.
so back to eating normal. I am gonna try that for once. pay attention to portion sizes, moderation, etc. It seems so simple, and it is for so many, but for me it's going to take effort.
I also have to get moving.
here's my take on exercising...I hate it, of course. I did have a few months where I was really great about it. I don't think I ever looked forward to it, but I loved the way I felt after. I miss that. I want to feel that again.
this is going to be a slow process. I am in the information gathering stage right now; figuring out what is best for me. who knows where all this will take me, but I'm happy to have you all along with me for the ride.
xo,
me
p.s. I have cake in my fridge calling my name. dang.
here goes.
just a very small sampling of some of the workout/diet/not so skinny girl crap I have bought
dear diary,
how in the world do I start a blog called diary of a not-so-skinny girl? what do I say? I guess I will start off with saying that I am fat. yes, fat. I have been since I can remember. I have a specific memory that comes to mind...
when I was younger, I was on the playground, the swings actually, when my weight somehow came up. my friend told me not to worry, that the weight would go away because it was "baby fat" and I had it because my mom "fed me too much baby food." hmm. If only it were that simple.
truth be told, I know why I am fat. I don't eat very well, I don't exercise and although I am a overall generally happy person...I eat when I am stressed. And I stress because I eat. does this sound familiar to anyone?
I have to mention that this blog is not one big pitty party. I am blessed with a wonderful family & friends and do love the life that I live. I just feel like it could be better. I worry about my health and know it's time to make a change. It's just so hard.
I have not decided how I am going to lose weight. I want to figure out how to not diet, eat better & get moving. I'll keep you updated on what I decide.
My hope is that this blog with help motivate me, keep me accountable and may even allow me to connect to some of you that have been or are not so skinny girls. We'll see how it goes.
xo,
me
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